DeAnn reappeared today.
I thought I had already introduced her but a massive review of previous posts proves me wrong–which is something DeAnn would like . . . the recognition of my errors. You see DeAnn is 1/2 of my mind’s voice; the other half is Desiree. I am sure you could tell them apart just by their names but as insurance, I will describe DeAnn with the 5 Ws:
Who: Deann is someone you might describe as “pinched.” She is very capable, but judgmental, endlessly practical, and humorless. Think about someone who is active at your church or school or work, someone who always does the right thing but you don’t want to sit next to at a party.
What: Deann is all about what makes sense. She doesn’t indulge in whimsy or fantasy. She is grounded, useful, practical, dependable. She is the one you’d refer to as, “I don’t know what I would have done if DeAnn hadn’t alphabetized the list and sat down and started calling . . .”
When: Always. She hovers always and dive bombs when she can She is most active when I feel frivolous, optimistic without cause, or whimsical. She is the Anti-Whimsy. Mrs. Sensible, Reliable, Constant, but Dull. And she is a Soul Crusher.
Where: She can show up anywhere although she wouldn’t be wandering in the moonlight or reveling in a bar. No, no. Early to bed, early to rise, that is DeAnn.
Why: Because. Dependability and predicability win the race.
- Desiree = winning the lottery
- DeAnn = automatic deposit
Although DeAnn can be soul-crushing, at the end of day, you can count on her. Desiree, on the other hand, is flighty. She is all about seizing the day, dancing, and spontaneity but when you are stranded, DeAnn is the one with the jumper cables.
Hence the conflict. What follows is a picture I have of Philomena Cloheaver — one of my ancient long dead relations. I bet DeAnn looks just like her.
Every New Years Eve I have a childish excitement about shedding the old and launching the new. I reflect and plan. At a minimum, I buy a new calendar and get excited about the year.
On New Years Eve, it is all Desiree — partying, kissing people at midnight, dancing, ringing in the new year. But DeAnn knows that enthusiasm and fun don’t carry the year; for her, those things are nothing but distractions. She reminds us that January 1 is but 2 days after December 30. She counsels restraint, muffles excitement, favors predictability over the vagaries of change.
So I wasn’t surprised, but, frankly, was disappointed to see her today. She took stock of my ideas, plans, hopes, and dispensed with them. She wasn’t harsh, but clinical and clear in her assessment: “I see your plans. They are nice, but unrealistic. Don’t waste your time or indulge in fantasies. Chop, chop. Get with the program. Fall in line. Embrace routine. Mind your cholesterol. Realistically assess your marketability and income-earning potential. And for God sake’s, ditch the scarf and jewelry. Eat vegetables. And vacuum regularly.”