DMV

I need to go to the DMV to get a replacement drivers license. The last meeting I had with my drivers license was last week when I removed it from my wallet along with my cash card so I wouldn’t be troubled dragging my purse around. Great idea. Instead I troubled myself by searching the house, all the stores I visited and their respective parking lots for my lost drivers license and cash card. Where the hell did I put it? Don’t know.

I know if I go to the DMV, I will find the old one. On the other hand, the DMV will surely provide some material from which to write. There’s that.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you find things, not where you least expect, but where you should expect to find them? Really, I am amazed when I am amazed to find my shoes in the closet.

Whenever I misplace things I think about the grandmother of a childhood friend. “Gran” was getting on in years, but lived with her daughter and grandchildren. Her exploits were constant fodder for the high school lunch table. One of Gran’s famous moves was when she insisted on cleaning up after dinner. The next day they found the leftover pot roast in a cabinet. Gran was also given to platitudes. She overheard my friend complaining about her mother and Gran reminded her, “Your mother is going to heaven in a basket.” ┬áIt’s had a Moses-in-the-bullrushes ring to it. The alternative, of course, was a fast train to hell. Wonder where I will end up and how I will travel.

 

formatting and sugar cookies

What does decorating sugar cookies and formatting Word docs have in common? A little goes a long way.

I loved decorating Christmas cookies when I was a child. Sprinkles, chocolate chips, silver balls, dried fruit — the more the merrier. I didn’t like to eat them, but I had a fine time making them. Apparently no one else in the family liked eating them either. I recently asked my older sister to send me her recipe for sugar cookies. Older siblings have a penchant for comment and this occasion was no exception:

“Please do not allow yourself to do any decorating. This is NOT an opportunity to express yourself. I still gag at the thought of all the crap you layered on — dried fruits, sprinkles, candy pearls, cinnamon toppers, more frosting… Remember: Less is more in the world of sugar cookies.”

But like many of the words of wisdom imparted by my siblings, I ignored the advice when I set out to format a company newsletter. I didn’t stop with bold and italics. I mixed typefaces and fonts. Of course, color — of text, of “fill”, or lines. Wow! I discovered I could make text curve up and down, make letters shadowed. And bullets — who knew I didn’t have to settle for the round dot? Yes indeed I found other bullet types and used a different one in each section of my newsletter. I turned text sideways and tilted images. When I was done, reading my newsletter was akin to a ride on rough seas. My spouse suggested my efforts might be more suited to a ransom note.

So I toned it down. Damn near killed me. Then I went to bad and DeAnn (one of my inner voices which will be the subject of another post) reminded me until I fell asleep that I was no graphic designer. Once she got tired of that, she told me I was no writer and had no business doing anything I’ve done of late.